


Happiness Found Through Therapy

by GrimSylphie



Series: Finding Happiness [4]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Booker Gets Therapy, Booker | Sebastien le Livre-centric, Chaos Siblings, Gen, M/M, OT3 is just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25938487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimSylphie/pseuds/GrimSylphie
Summary: Booker wakes up one morning with a heavy weight of despair he knew all too well. He knows he has to wake up because he has a responsibility to his son.Fortunately Nile has a suggestion that might just help him stay on his feet. Therapy.
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nile Freeman, Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Quynh | Noriko, Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolo di Genova
Series: Finding Happiness [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875796
Comments: 40
Kudos: 261





	Happiness Found Through Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Book/Therapy is the real OTP of the fandom. This is just another step in the road here.
> 
> I think it’s important that Booker gets some therapy because having a kid and not drinking himself into oblivion to avoid dreaming or Quynh doesn’t automatically fix his issues.

Booker had been doing so well but he knew it had to end sooner or later. That demon in the back of his mind. That oppressive blanket of darkness that came over him and dragged him down. He woke up to his alarm one morning two months after André started going to école maternelle during the day. He had wanted André to socialize outside of his friend group and to get used to the idea of school. The alarm was the sign he had to get up and get André ready. Quynh was on a mission so he couldn’t just lie in bed until the weight lifted. Instead he pushed himself up and using all the strength in his body he made his way to the bathroom. By the time he finished what he could of his morning routine with the small amount of energy he had he knew he couldn’t go out like this. Even standing took all the effort he had.

“Papa?” André called running into the room. André has always been an early riser. Booker was never more frustrated by that then he was in this moment. 

He put on a smile. He couldn’t let André see him struggling. “Good morning my sweet. What would you think if Miss Celia took you to class with Sophie today?” 

André was always very easy going, something Booker was eternally grateful for. “Okay, papa. Perhaps we should have yogurt for breakfast?” Booker was constantly surprised at how perceptive André was. He seemed to sense that Booker wasn’t up to cooking.

“That would be perfect. Would you like it with honey and strawberries?” Booker offered. He tensed. Trying to keep himself from collapsing. His legs felt like jelly under the weight of his depression. He walked through the bedroom and grabbed his phone from where it was still sitting on the bed and shot off a quick SOS text to Celia. 

By the time he finished prepping breakfast he had a response that she’d be happy to take André and would even keep him overnight if Booker needed her too. She didn’t even inquire about what was happening that led to the SOS text. Booker was beyond grateful. André ate while humming a little tune and Booker was thankful he seemed to know his father wasn’t up to talking. Normally he would chat with André until it was time to leave but he just wasn’t up to it.

When it was time for André to leave he kissed him goodbye and waved him off as Celia picked him up at the door. Then he headed back to bed. He managed to text Quynh and ask her when she was coming home.

That afternoon he woke to the sound of his phone beeping with a notification for a video call. He blindly pressed around until he hit answer and was greeted with Nile’s smiling face. “Hey Book, Quynh texted and said you might need some help?” It was asked like a question. 

Booker just propped his phone up against his nightstand so he could continue laying down while he spoke to Nile. “Mmm... it’s back.” He offered. It wasn’t really an explanation but he thinks Nile understood.

“Your depression?” She asked. She seemed to be trying to study Booker through the blurry frame of the video.

Booker had closed his eyes and drifted for a moment. It wasn’t until she cleared her throat that he realize Be was taking too long responded. “Mmm.. yeah.” He finally confirmed. He wasn’t sure how long he left her hanging. “I had hoped it was just a side effect of the alcohol and inability to sleep without feeling like I was drowning.” He admitted. Talking so much was exhausting.

“That’s not how depression works, Book.” Nile responded. “Are you okay to take care of André or do you need someone out there until Quynh comes back.” 

Booker shrugged. “Celia offered to take him tonight.”

He could see something flash through Nile’s eyes. He wasn’t normally willing to let André out of his sight. At three years old he still hadn’t seen a scratch or bruise on him. André was a cautious child though and there hadn’t been any accidents big enough to prove for sure that André healed like them. The risk was there though and he didn’t want something happening outside of his presence if he could help it.

“Book, we’re in Germany now. I’m sure I could ask Copley to set up a private flight and be there in a few hours.” Nile offered.

Booker closed his eyes again. “No. Not Copley. I don’t want him knowing. I’ll get up and push through.” He opened them again and pushed himself up on the bed. “It won’t be the first time.” 

Nile frowned as Booker pulled himself out of bed and grabbed the phone to carry around. “Book, you know there are treatments for depression now. You could go to therapy? There are also meds for it. I don’t know a ton about it but there might be something that works with how fast our bodies process that sort of thing.”

Booker offered a self depreciating smile. “I don’t know that lying to a therapist is a good way to start out.” 

“No, but consider, you’re living a normal life right now. You don’t have to mention immortality. Just say you fall into depression from time to time. You can tweak things that can’t be explained without immortality. Just be as honest as you can.” Nile pleaded.

Booker sighed. He ran his hand over his face. “Do you really think this can help?”

“Of course.” Nile responded with confidence.

“Then, I guess, if you can help me find someone I’ll give it a shot.” Booker offered. 

“You got it.” Nile shot back. 

* * *

It was that conversation that led to a seemly endless stream of emails and texts between Nile, Quynh, and himself in an effort to find the perfect therapist. They looked at both psychologists and psychiatrists and Nile fought for the later due to their ability to provide medical care and treatments. Booker was nervous and a bit paranoid that someone with a medical degree might notice his immortality or André’s origin. He knew logically the idea that information on them would have ended up in the hands of a random doctor was minuscule but he didn’t want to risk it unless he had to.

In the end the psychologist they chose had positive reviews with what the modern world called LGBTQ+ community, was willing to do remote sessions if necessary (in the unlikely scenario they ended up on the run) and specialized in treating depression. 

Booker was nervous the first day. The weight of darkness he had felt two weeks prior had lifted after only three days and for a time he wondered if he should cancel. The look in Quynh’s eyes as he left for the appointment and Nile’s five encouraging texts that morning made it seem like it was better for his continued health and well being that he hadn’t. 

The office was nice all clean lines and simple modern furniture. It wasn’t cold or clinical though. There were tiny touches including throw pillows, paintings, and warm lighting that made it look homey. While he waited Booker ran through the version events he was going to present to Doctor Auclair. 

Booker was a single father, the mother had been a rebound after Nicky and Joe, the men he had been with for the past two years who had asked that they take a ‘break’ after Booker betrayed them. He had no idea if or when they would return and was trying to focus on taking care of his son and his relationship with his sisters. 

In the end, he didn’t have to remember all of that up front. The first session was about Booker and the current stresses and lack there of in his life. She warned him to continue to avoid alcohol since it was a depressant. That didn’t shock Booker at all. He was all too aware of the properties of alcohol. Fortunately, he didn’t really need or enjoy it since he stopped dreaming of Quynh. She also suggested he keep active both physically and mentally. She said exercise could help so he mentally planned to sacrifice himself to being beat up by Quynh more often. Finally she suggested getting a job. She said it might help, especially since he hadn’t had any problems since André was born but started back up when he went to school. She cautioned it could be a coincidence but Booker was certainly willing to try it.

That night Quynh cooked dinner which was a rarity, she preferred eating to cooking. It was one of Booker’s favorite dishes and he couldn’t help but feel she was proud of him. Nile also teased him by sending a series of emojis that could only be positive.

Seeing André was as always the highlight of his day. His son wanted him to read to him. As much as André enjoyed playing with his friends during class he was far more interested in consuming any knowledge he could. Booker thought it was adorable that André was so much like him in this way.

The next morning Booker started his job search. He wanted something that wouldn’t take him from André. He considered picking back up editing and speechwriting on the side but he wanted a bit more. Maybe he would see if any of the museums were looking for a consulting archivist. He certainly had the credentials (both real and forged) for it. 

A year to the day from when Booker first woke up feeling the weight of depression he was in a totally different place. He still had a bad day here or there but he was able to maintain the same energy he had since André entered his life. He had found one of the local museums needed help analyzing and archiving a large donation of artifacts from the Napoleonic period. It was something Booker was uniquely able to handle and he had managed to work out a schedule that had him able to drop off André every morning and pick up André every afternoon to spend the day with him.

He attended therapy weekly and was surprised at how much talking things through helped clear his head. Eventually Dr. Auclair began to discuss his past relationships. It helped Booker work through a lot of his thoughts on Nicky and Joe. She helped him realize he can be fulfilled without them. He also discovered if they never wanted to be more than friends again he could come to terms with that. He would treasure those fifty years in a way he hadn’t when he had been so lost in his own emotions. Nicky and Joe has tried and they just couldn’t understand his suffering or see he needed help. He knew already André would always come first if they returned anytime during his life. He even managed to write out a strategy for if they did return. The whole thing was really beneficial and he could only hope that taking all these steps would be enough. 

Of course, he didn’t realize the first person he’d have to use it on was Andromache.

**Author's Note:**

> I know everyone is waiting for the return of Joe and Nicky. I have one more part before that happens. I want to write Andy finding out first. After that it will be a long one where Nicky and Joe work through some of their issues involving Booker and a reunion will be had.


End file.
